Say..

SO, its finals week and its 8 in the morning and I havent slept all night. But I got a lot accomplished tonight. My philosophy paper, edited a paper for women’s studies and sent that in, wrote another paper for womens studies and sent that in (so now i’m completely set for that class..sweet!), i wrote out some flashcards for my public relations final exam I have tomorrow night and I’m about to work on the final project for that same class due next week. All I have left is a stats presentation, stats final and pr stuff..oh and maybe a phil exam but hopefully not if my grades are good! ahhh this stuff is great..my new favorite. its unreal. i feel so accomplished. maybe i’ll sleep for a bit and go for a walk and tan later before classes at 4! damn. i’m productive. also i wrote this in 2 minutes..thats how focused i am. haha LOVE. PEACE.  

Ever have one of those days when you feel like nothing you do really matters? Or even if you’re doing everything right something is still missing? Ever have one of those lifetimes? Especially lately, I’ve been caught in a weird phase of not caring and caring too much. I know that probably make NO SENSE. But I find that I’m constanty searching for something to fill some void that I used to not have. I think I’ve been reall careful lately, too careful. I havent opened up to anyone new. I’m afraid of getting hurt again and trusting soemone who is just going to let me down. Then I see people like my rooommate, who can freely love and have no reservations about what might happen. It those things that hold you back the most I think..the “what might happen” or the “ifs” and “could bes” ..bad or good I think they do more harm then good. You have this plan for your life, I did anyway. High school, College, whatever it is and then somewhere along the way you wonder why did I pick this plan? Because its not turning out how I planned it to be. And not to say I don’t love my school or my friends or my life, its just why can’t I have the thing I’ve wanted for so long? The thing everybody else get. Its got to be me. It’s got to be the overthinking and the fear of trusting someone new. Its time to start being honest with myself and honest to others. And I hope that people will surprise me, and I hope I surprise myself.

xo